Butterfly of consciousness

Floating calmly in the sea of destiny

As soon as I got to the shore I spotted the butterfly floating in the sea, it looked so out of place being a creature of the earth and air. It's wings had become waterlogged and it was trapped just moving with the small waves lapping the shore. This was the butterfly's sea of destiny, I wondered was it aware of it's plight, scared, fearful that death was approaching or was it just resting there having sent a request for help to the universe and trusting it was soon to arrive?

I put my finger in the water by it's head and it slowly crawled onto it, up towards the sky where it belonged.  As I carried it away from the shore looking for a safe place where it could dry it's wings I felt the butterfly's survival to be the most important thing in the world in that moment. I saw myself in it's struggle, I thought about it's life so far and the challenges of surviving being an egg, a tiny caterpillar, a chrysalis and finally a butterfly, it had successfully passed through all these stages of it's journey to find itself floating in the sea with an uncertain future before I had rescued it.

Watching it open and close it's wings, crawling carefully up the stem of grass I'd placed it on I saw it's strength, fragility and beauty bound together in the great wonder of life. I felt connected with the butterfly's life force and became conscious of it being part of me and me being part of it, on an energetic level level there was no separation between us. I was saving myself through saving the butterfly.

When I left I hoped it would be ok, that it's wings would dry out so it could fly off for new adventures but I was also deeply aware that at some point it's journey would be over, it would complete the cycle of life we're all part of. I felt the butterfly in me, the fragility, the struggle and the power that are parts of all of us and the transformation we all go through during our life time, just like the butterfly.

Experiments in winter growing

As I will be residing in London for a couple of months I decided it was time to continue my adventures in growing your own so I sent off for some organic winter salad seeds to have a go at growing lettuce leaves http://www.seedsofitaly.com/catalogue/13. After some research I decided on lambs lettuce apparently a great choice for winter and can be grown under a cloche or sown as an edible green manure (multifunctional), Meraviglia D'inverno (winter marvel) from the italian mountains and Spinach Gigante D'inverno (giant winter spinach). My first attempt at planting seeds was disrupted by the resident squirrels who decided to dig up the pots as with winter coming I guess they were looking for nuts for their food store so I had to re-plant them and protect them with cloches. So far they have survived and some little shoots are coming through. I am excited at the prospect of having fresh salad leaves through the winter especially when the supermarkets charge quite a lot for a bag of salad leaves that's been exposed to argon gas to preserve it- yuk!

Lambs lettuce - leave the cloche open on sunny days to prevent it bolting

Micro Greens
Excited by the sight of little green seedlings coming through in the pots outside I thought I'd also give 'Micro greens' a go and make use of my south facing bedroom window. In recent times micro greens and baby leaf herbs have become very popular with chefs in up market restaurants. I've also noticed things like pea shoots and garlic chives appearing on supermarket shelves, again these are quite expensive to buy and seem easy enough to grow all year round. You just need a growing tray, some organic peat free compost, organic seeds, water and daylight.  The list of seeds you can use is pretty long, sorrel, chervil, basil, dill, pea shoots, mustard, nasturtium, watercress, rocket and all the oriental greens like mizuna, red mustard and pak choi to name just a few. So I bought a few different types http://www.tamarorganics.co.uk and created my own mix of seeds and planted them 3 days a go, they are already growing really well. I will keep you posted on their progress...

Organic seeds used as part of micro greens mix

Grow micro greens indoors all year round

Micro greens day 7 - nearly ready to eat! 

Findhorn experience week

It’s taken some time for my Findhorn experience http://www.findhorn.org/ to settle enough for me to get my thoughts in order so I can write about it. As mentioned in a previous blog what I had not anticipated about my travels was how physically and emotionally tiring it would be. ‘Change is as good as a rest’ so the saying goes but as I discovered for me too much change is not so good. One of the many realisations I’ve had on this trip is balancing my desire for adventure and new experiences with the need for familiar surroundings and people is important but to be fair I did know before I set out that giving up my personal space and becoming a nomad living out of a rucksack was going to bring some challenges, and so it did.

I’m only telling you this so you can understand my state of mind when I arrived in Findhorn because if I’d had a choice I would have postponed my trip as I was already feeling tired before I got there. However due to the fact I’d planned my trip so far ahead (again an old behavioural pattern of mine, planning from fear of the unknown) I had to go or loose quite a lot of money. The result of all this was when I got there and sat in the opening circle with my group and saw how busy the timetable for the week was I realised my energy levels had hit a wall. All I really wanted to do was go and lie down in a room on my own and sleep. I felt like my brain couldn’t cope with any more new information, it had reached saturation point. There is a lot of truth in the saying ‘ you can have too much of a good thing’ and Findhorn is a good thing most definitely. One of the few spiritual eco-communities in existence who have been walking the talk for the past 50 years, educating thousands of people from around the world about how to reconnect with their spirituality in an eco-conscious way, unfortunately I was just too tired to fully appreciate it. It was a shame because I’d really been looking forward to my time at Findhorn thinking it was going to be the ‘piece de resistance’ of my trip.

The caravan where community founders Eileen & Peter Caddy lived

Entrance to the universal hall for community gatherings

Looking after myself

I realised I’d been presented with an opportunity to choose a new way of dealing with this unexpected situation. In the past I would have pushed myself on and not listened to my inner voice telling me I needed some space to rest but events in recent years have shown me that way of being doesn’t serve me well. I decided the best thing was to speak to Paul one of our course ‘focalisers’ he was very understanding and supportive and told me that looking after myself was the most important thing and by doing that I was also looking after the interests of the group. I would have felt guilty in the past that I was letting others down or that I should be strong enough to keep going but after my breakdown two years ago I know that I need to heed the voice telling me to rest and that it’s ok to do that as if you don’t look after yourself you are not in a position to help others. 

Even after taking time out it was still a very intense week but a great opportunity to experience group spiritual practice, we did sacred dancing, meditation, taize singing, attuning to the intelligence of nature, lots of group sharing and what Findhorn call ‘Love in action’ which means working in the kitchen, garden or homecare giving you a taste of the day to day reality of what it takes to run a community. I did feel the whole week was aimed at complete beginners which I found a bit frustrating but they are very skilled at enabling a group of complete strangers to deeply connect with each other in the space of a week, an important skill to have in these times of separation. At the same time it can also create a space where people feel they have to try and connect with everyone when in reality they’re not feeling it, this can make it a bit of a strain too.

An offering of love

Garden of abundance

My original plan had been to go and stay at Newbold House, a nearby community of ex-Findhorn members after my experience week but on Thursday we were taken on a tour of The Park (Findhorn has two sites Cluny Hill and The Park) by Craig Gibsone our other focaliser and one of the founding members of the community. Craig is an artist, a potter and a permaculturist amongst other things who lives in one of the barrel houses a mini village of eco-homes made from old whiskey barrels. As part of the tour he showed us around his amazing permaculture garden that took co-creating with nature to a level I hadn’t seen before in any of the other gardens on my travels. It was a great demonstration of minimum effort for maximum yield. Craig calls plants that just turn up in his garden ‘Volunteers’ who play an important role in maintaining biodiversity. There were potatoes, Russian kale (a.k.a ragged jack), new zealand spinach, cabbages, broad beans, apples, horseradish, Jerusalem artichokes, blackcurrants, sweet cicely, lemon balm, purple sprouting broccoli and many perennial herbs and plants that I can’t remember but it showed how abundant nature can be and that it is possible to grow lots of food in even a small garden. Permaculture is about creating synergistic relationships between humans and nature and recognising that fulfilling natures ‘needs’ means fulfilling our own needs. There was a wonderful happy energy in the garden that was lovely to feel, it seemed as if the plants loved Craig as much as he loved them. Craig is the first spiritual permaculturist I’ve met and for me this is what had been missing from the places I had stayed before where I had experienced spirituality and permaculture but separately. I then discovered he was running a course the following week called Spiritual Practice-Permaculture and one of my new friends made the inspiring suggestion that I do that instead of going to Newbold so I signed up for it. Finishing my travels by integrating the two strands of spirituality and permaculture that had guided my journey seemed the right way to go and there was the added attraction of four other people from my experience week were also doing the course.  On the last night my group went down to the ‘red beastie’ bar in Forres town, apparently they ended up doing a circle dance in the middle of the pub and in the past I would have been downing the whisky with everyone else till 2am but I decided I needed to do the sensible thing and get an early night to get ready for the start of my new course the following day. A new leaf has definately been turned!

Luminous beauty